Two thousand and ten.

Dear Lord, please help me to find my purpose in life, a purpose for my life. What I can do and be passionate about. I wander these days, lost.

I do want to be holy. Not in a better than thou kind of way, but in a getting closer to Jesus, to God way. I want to be really happy, and not just happy as in having the latest coolest mobile phone or computer or tv and house with great views, which would all be fantastic, but I would give them up to be closer to God.

I write this so that I can try to figure out what I want to do with my life. I am 33, I think. I will be 34 this year. It's time. So my number one goal for all of life is to be closer to God. To live in his presence.

But I think that I need some more well, practical goals. If this is a goal for my life, spiritually, I also think I need a goal for a career. To work five days a week pretty much nine to five, doing something. And the more that I work with computers, the less chance I see that being a huge part of my future. Sure I like them, but it's not the future.

Please dear God help me to find a purpose, please dear God help me to find a mentor.

Please sweet Mary help me to get to confession today and to work out what these goals might be.

I think that sometimes, goals and passions can be hard to find, and there is pressure to find the right ones, but what if I just try to find some and then maybe I can work my way around if they are wrong.

I bought two shirts yesterday and I was in a section of the large department store that had some quite fashionable, and by fashionable, I mean expensive clothes. A man there was looking after this area, and I think for a while I could do a job like that. I do like a little bit of fashion. That can be one of my maybe jobs.

Another maybe job would be a teacher of religion and maybe english in high schools.
A third maybe job would be actor.

I think that I want to work with other people that I believe in, that I have faith in, that I admire. People I look up to so that I can learn from them. Who are you mysterious people I want to look up to and where do you live?

As a side note, I would still love to work and live in London again.

I spoke to my friend the other day at the cricket, informing him that after two days back at work in the new year I want to quit. He mentioned that most jobs are tough for people, and I know that, but I really think that dreading going in to your work because you find it mind numbingly boring and can see no way that it can be exciting is just a bit too much past the point of be happy that you have a job, which i try and put up with it.